The Question: How do I decide on the best option for schooling for my son?

(This question was submitted via Spec It Out.)

I'm trying to decide on the best option for schooling for my son. My goal is that he is well educated, well rounded as a human being and set up for success in his future.

My options include keeping him in his current school (ok with this), moving to another school (open to this), homeschool (not ok with this), unschooling (not sure about this) or relocating to another country (open to this). I'm sure there are many other options I am not yet aware of.

His current school has many positives. Overall, I'm happy for him to be in a traditional school with peers and other kids. He doesn't have siblings and enjoys the social aspect of school. His school is relatively academic and traditional. He enjoys learning though does not enjoy lots of homework.

Currently, I am questioning whether traditional school is truly setting kids up for long-term success. Private school is quite expensive and so it makes me question whether it is the best way to invest funds at this time. Kids are not learning much technology in western schools and will be behind their eastern peers from that perspective. I wonder how that will impact their work opportunities. My son has just started high school.

I'm hoping to land on a decision that feels sound and manageable for the foreseeable future.

My Answer:

Thank you so much for submitting your situation!

You’ve given a wonderfully detailed picture, and I can tell how much care you’re putting into your son’s future. He’s lucky to have you in his corner as he begins high school (and in life)!

In your submission you mentioned, “I'm sure there are many other options I am not yet aware of.” And I TOTALLY agree. My hope is that the questions I pose below help you uncover them.

It seems your overarching goal is a schooling choice that sets your son up for long-term success. To identify new options, it’s important to define the necessary conditions for his long-term success. As I’ve mentioned in other Ask Dr. Ada posts, necessary conditions are the things that absolutely must be in place for a solution to provide the desired outcome.

Below I list the necessary conditions I identified from your submission, along with clarifying questions. The clearer you can get with each of these, the easier it will be to brainstorm new options. Your goal with this exercise is to identify all of the necessary conditions to meet your goal: schooling choice that sets your son up for long-term success.

In my work, I’ve found that the more specific you get about what is truly necessary, the more options you’ll see. The only trap is to avoid being specific about what isn’t necessary, because that creates limits. When you have crystal clear focus on what is necessary, the right options often appear like magic.

Your initial set of necessary conditions (with clarifying questions)

Your submission already highlights some strong necessary conditions. I’ve listed those below with added questions to help you refine them. I strongly recommend that you write a list of these refined conditions as you reflect on it, and remember the list can be edited multiple times!

1. Your son gets a quality education.

This is a great condition, but “well-educated” can mean many different things. Try to clarify what’s necessary for you here.

• What specifically would make you feel confident he’s “well educated”?
  
• Are you looking for rigorous academics, independent learning skills, critical thinking, creativity, or something else?
  
• You expressed concern about lack of technology training. What specific skills do you want him to gain (coding, AI tools, robotics, digital literacy)? Why do those matter to you?
  
• Could some of these skills be supplemented outside of school (programs, camps, online courses), or must they be integrated into the school itself?

2. Your son is well-rounded as a human being.

This is another strong condition, but again, there are many ways to define “well-rounded.”

• You value his social experiences, especially since he’s an only child. What else matters? Friendships, arts, sports, leadership, travel, community involvement, other things?
  
• Does his current school already provide any of these? And how many of these “well-rounded” aspects do you expect to come from school itself (all, some, none)?
  

3. The solution selected is manageable for the foreseeable future

“Manageable” can cover many factors — price, location, timing, and more. Use the questions below to unpack this into specifics:

• You’ve made it clear you aren’t interested in homeschooling. Why not? Is it about daily structure, the role of primary instructor, or lesson preparation? Clarifying what doesn’t fit about homeschooling will help refine what does belong in your necessary conditions.
  
• You’re unsure about unschooling. Do you want to rule it out, or keep it on the table? What parts appeal to you and what parts don’t?
  
• How close should the school be to where you live? Would you consider boarding schools? Would you consider 100% online schools?
  
• Do you have preferences about the daily schedule, year-round vs. traditional calendar, or extracurricular commitments?
  
• You mentioned that private school feels expensive, what budget range feels acceptable? Would you stretch if all conditions were met, or must it stay within strict limits?

Questions to help identify additional necessary conditions

The three conditions above are clear starting points, but I can tell from your submission that there may be more. Please consider these questions as well to help you identify additional necessary conditions:

• Outside of quality education and being well-rounded, is there anything else required to set your son up for long-term success?

• What does “success” look like from your perspective? Career readiness, life skills, happiness, resilience?
  
• What does your son imagine for his future? Are there clues about which environments help him thrive?
  

Take your time with these. Writing down your answers as a list of necessary conditions will be incredibly helpful.

Once you have that list, check back against your goal: If I found a solution that met every one of these conditions, would it feel like the right schooling choice to set my son up for long-term success?

How to use your necessary conditions

Once your list is clarified, you’ll have a clear rubric for evaluation. 

Here’s how to put it to work:

• Test Current School: With your list in hand, evaluate whether the current school truly fits and whether you could supplement what’s missing (e.g., tech programs, extracurriculars) rather than changing schools entirely.
  
• Explore Other Schools: Use your conditions as criteria to research private, public, or alternative schools. Instead of asking “Is this school good?” you’ll ask “Does this school meet these specific conditions?”
  
• Consider Beyond-School Options: Even if no single school meets everything, external programs (summer schools, online courses, exchange opportunities) may combine with schooling to fully satisfy your conditions.
  
• Uncover New Options: Once the conditions are clear, options you haven’t considered often emerge — hybrid schooling, specialized academies, or even international programs that align with your long-term goals.
  

Big picture

You’re already open to many possibilities, that is fantastic!  The key now is to define your necessary conditions so you can see more clearly which options fit, which don’t, and which new ones might be worth exploring.

You’re on the right path. Once your conditions are fully spelled out, I suspect you’ll find options that feel both exciting and aligned.

And if you’d like to continue this conversation further, please reach out!